Open Your
Heart to Love
By
Dr. M.P. Wylie
Are you
giving up on love as a single seeking your ideal partner? Often we fail
to recognize the lessons a relationship provides for us, and the
opportunity it gives for us to grow. There are times when you can no
longer hang onto a relationship and that you finally realize you and your
partner are no longer an appropriate match. But when all is said and
done, what are the lessons?
If
you don't get the lessons you tend do the same dance all over again, but
this time with a different partner. To get the lessons from an
unsuccessful relationship choose to see how much had to do with you and
how much had to do with your partner. It works to your benefit to own 50%
of the relationship collapse. You can only do something about your 50%,
but if you don't own your part, you tend to keep repeating the same
mistakes over and over again – until you finally get the message.
Your
50% might be as simple as some of the following:
1) Not
having clear boundaries and setting expectations to have your partner
honor them.
2) Not
being clear with your needs going into a relationship.
3) Not
knowing what creates you to thrive in a day-to-day loving relationship.
4) Not
getting necessary information from your potential partner to see if he or
she is capable and willing to meet your needs.
5) Not
asking for what you desired from your partner.
6) Not
being open and honest with your partner.
7) Choosing
defensive statements instead of empathic statements, when your partner
expressed his or her thoughts and feelings.
To
keep your heart open to love, it does not serve you to blame your past
partner/s for not loving you or doing their part in creating the
relationship to be successful. Yes, it always takes two to be in a
romantic relationship. And also remember it takes two to fight, two to
make love and two to create the success or neglect of the relationship.
So, no matter who was wrong, who said what, who did what or didn't do –
the important thing is what role did you play, because that's the part
you can do something about. Holding onto your anger and resentment only
hurts you – not your past partner.
When
a relationship ends, don't pack up your past mistakes and grievances and
carry it into to your next relationship. By doing so you're closing your
heart, and also hanging onto your fear that it will happen all over
again.
Instead
choose to:
1)
Let
go of the hurt, anger, resentment, disappointment and revenge.
2)
Honestly
own how your participation and the role you played did not work for the
highest good of the relationship.
3)
Recognize
how you could or would not meet your partner's needs and desires.
4)
Decide
what you are going to do different to create the success of your upcoming
relationship.
5)
Honor
the gifts that came from the previous relationship/s.
6)
Accept
the lessons and be grateful for the experience.
7)
Bless
your past partner/s and release them to their greatest good.
8)
Then
get clear on what your needs are in a relationship, so you're able to
choose an ideal partner that you can both meet each other's desires.
It
may be deciding to find a person that is more like you, who has similar
personality, desires, needs, characteristics, and values as you do. Don't
expect someone to be who they are not, just because there is great
chemistry and physical attraction, or because he or she can take care of
you in a way that you can't take care of yourself. Don't expect someone
to be or do what you cannot be or do for yourself.
Keep
your heart open for love, it could be right around the corner and you
certainly don't want love to pass you by.
Copyright
© 2004 by Dr. M.P. Wylie, Relationship Consultant and Educator working
with sophisticated professional singles. For tips, practical advice and
free newsletter refer to www.JourneyToLove.com.
You may copy or distribute this article, so long as this copyright notice
and full information about contacting the author are attached.
Contact
Dr. M.P. :
DrMP@JourneyToLove.com, or
949-509-6552.
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